Heretic's Teeth

I am, for better or for worse, an educator. I have been doing this for the better part of the last twenty-five years, but it has only been the last few years when I have been teaching in a secondary school. I teach in one of the toughest schools in the city and it has taught me a lot about myself. One of the lessons that took the longest for me to get was also the one of the most profound as a Christian.

I recall bumping into a minister of the Baptist church once in a café just after I had started my first year of secondary teaching. He asked me what I did for a living and, when I told him, he asked if it was my calling from the Lord. I said it was not, and it “was just a job” for me. This was despite knowing God had opened the door to the school and gave me an opportunity to work with the very people I wanted to have a positive impact for. This was a phrase I would repeat many times after that: “it's just a job.”

Going into teaching, I felt being around passionate people would rub off on me. It did not. So, I started wondering if I could still be doing something if I felt no passion for it. All my colleagues are passionate believers in education as a way to gain social justice. They love their jobs (most days). I was conspicuous in my own sight for the very contrast I felt was there. I was not that passionate. Then the Holy Spirit started speaking.

One of the first things the Holy Spirit let me in on was the nature of and the reason for the stresses and trials I was undergoing earlier on in my job. First, I had actually prayed for the Lord to do what He needed to promote my growth as a Christian and a person. He directed me to a date in my prayer journal where I had actually written what He said and sealed the deal within the journal. Incidentally, I asked if I could take it back, but the Lord said no. Secondly, it was through the stresses that God was extending my perseverance and faith. He was working through the circumstances to make me a better person and a better follower of Jesus Christ. Having some reasoning behind the Lord's decision help me grapple with the apparent mistake He had made by putting me there.

The Holy Spirit, some months later, started to speak to the question of passion. I was seriously concerned about my lack of it. After all, the world says it is important, and many preachers teach the same thing. Find your passion! The trouble is, I don't have any passion for anything. Well, nothing useful and employable, anyway. So, when I went to the Lord with that question, He started speaking again. Through a book called The Sayings of the Desert Fathers and the Bible itself, the Lord basically told me passion was not the issue here. In fact, it was kind of irrelevant. The vital key is obedience to what the Lord wants me to do. And this made the failure to find new teaching positions all the more understandable. The Lord is not finished with me at the school where I teach. Whether I have a passion or not, it is of no worth. What I should be worrying about is the obedience of following what Jesus wants me to do.

A follow-up to that was changing the language I use when talking about my job. I have changed from it being “a job” to being “my calling.” I still do not see how I am the right person for this calling, but I am obeying the Lord in it and have stopped looking to move to a new position. I will stay until the Lord clearly says it is time to move on. I am called to be in this place and I will do my very best to be the best I can for the students and families here.

My point is basically the need for passion is not all that important. If the Lord has asked you to do something, you do not necessarily have to like it all that much. Trusting in Him and obeying the direction He has asked you to move in is of far greater importance.